The Excuse

by James Treebull (with modifications for the SCA)

Milord, I write this note for to tell you of my plight
And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight.
My body is all black and blue; my face, a deathly grey
And I write this note to say why I’m not on the wall today.

While working on the castle wall, some bricks I had to clear.
For to throw them down from off the top seemed quite a good idea.
But the bailiff, he would not agree, him being an awful sod
He said I’d have to cart them down the ladder in my hod. (hood)

Well, clearing all these bricks by hand, it seemed so very slow
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below.
But in my haste to do the job, I was too blind to see
That a barrel full of building bricks is heavier than me.

So when I untied the rope, of course, the barrel fell like lead
And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead.
I shot up like an arrow, and to my dismay I found
That halfway up I met the bloody barrel coming down.

Well, the barrel broke my shoulder as toward the ground it sped,
And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with my head.
I clung on tight, though numb with shock from that almighty blow,
While the barrel spilled out half its bricks some forty feet below.

Now when the bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor,
I then outweighed the barrel, so I started down once more.
Still clinging tightly to the rope, I raced towards the ground.
And I landed on those broken bricks that lay scattered all around.

While I lay there moaning, I thought sure I’d passed the worst
But when the barrel hit the top, ‘twas then the bottom burst.
A shower of bricks rained down on me. I didn’t have a hope
And in the great confusion, I let go the bloody rope.

Well, the barrel now was heavier and it started down once more
And it landed right on top of me, as I lay there on the floor.
It broke three ribs and my left arm and I can only say
I hope you understand why I’m not on the wall today.

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The Excuse

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